I have finally been able to make peace with myself. Tonight, finally (second time I have used it in the first five seconds), I can sleep and wake up to give time to myself. To rediscover, to write. To think.
But, that's easier said than done.
The final four weeks of University have turned everything hardcore and are ever-demanding when it comes to deadlines, presentations and courseworks. To think, the final four weeks of University, a life I shall never live again, will be spent relentlessly scribbling out gibberish of the most abstract nature possible, to arrive at the end from where there's no turning back.
To be very honest, it hasn't registered properly in my head that this is it. The end of Queen Mary, University of London, for me. I have four final weeks, a month's vacation, an exam period leading to my graduation...and that's it! There shall be no more looking forward to seeing everyone again next year, no more planning on what societies to be a part of, no more wondering what modules will be like and which ones to pick for the next year. And no more same friends.
Tonight, after ages, we dined out like hell. We went to TinselTown (finally - wohoo, this makes it three) and it was simply great. To think we all shall part ways sooner than we think.
It is a prospect that we both want to and do not want to look forward to.
But, as I have said it before...there's no stopping time. It shall move at its discretionary speed, which, occasionally seems to fasten. Can fasten even be used here?
Anyways, that was mostly beating about the bush.
To the point, then.
We had our presentation, today. It went very well, from the expressions of the seminar leader to the pats on the shoulder and back by the onlookers. Well, save for one horrid one, who chose this day and moment to be the day she spat revenge for a crime that was probably committed in one of our past lives (reference to re-incarnation, in case you didn't get it).
It is the first time, I came face-to-face with a person who was intent on degrading and humiliating you in front of an entire classroom. It was shocking, it was worrying, it was infuriating, but, most of all, it was upsetting.
Yes, the world out there is a wild jungle. It's all cut-throat. Yes, I know. I agree. And today was the day, that shall go down in history, as the day I learnt how to tackle a personal attack. An attack that wasn't carved around your work and its discrepancies, but intended to damage you, to harm you.
However, it does bring a smile to my face when I recall the empty-vessel digressing off the point to talk about something so preposterous that even the seminar leader had to give in and snap at her. Just loved that, I did.
Some say it's jealousy. Some say it's pure hatred. Of course, some would also say it's professionalism.
But, is it justified? Should we, as humans, be allowed to prosper at the expense of someone elses' misfortune? Should we make remarks only to poise ourselves in a better light? Is this all acceptable, in the face of success?
I am glad I was able to tackle any question she threw at me, even if she then took my answer and disagreed with it by repeating the exact same thing in my face. Only to find me reply, "That's exactly what I said!"
Oh well, as Sim said: What goes around...comes around, right?