A Voice In My Heart Telling Me I Should Not While My Head Telling Me I Can

Looking back now means giving into all those tears. And we cannot afford that at this time, can we?

No, I suppose we cannot. So there shall be no looking back.

There shall be no retracting of decisions or changing of minds, either. We must focus. We must move on.

Each step forward does push me in the right direction, one step closer to where I want to be, but the way is getting steeper. And I am getting tired.

Not yet, you are not. You can do this. You must do this!

It was easier said than done...

Focus! Focus! Focus! We have made progress. We can go all the way, I know we can. I have faith in us. You keep your nerve, too. And believe.

That is all I have been doing. And it is not working out the way I wanted it to. I am all alone. I never wished to be alone. I wished to have friends. Family.

Friends? Family? You are losing sight of your purpose, boy. The purpose for which you made this journey in the first place.

I was mistaken. I had no idea it would be this hard...

Did you think it would be a walk in the park, then? Go bloody walk in the park all your life, for all I care, and we shall see how many friends and family join along in your fancy escapade.

The truth is, you were born alone. And you will die alone, too. This is your journey, not everybody else's. So I cannot see the need for somebody to be accompanying you. Be glad when you have a shoulder next to your side, for that is nothing more than your good fortune. Otherwise, you are pretty much on your own, mate.

You could either hang in there, or quit, altogether. And this world does not welcome quitters. They will stamp on you and carry on about their business as usual. And you will be forgotten...

And that is when I realised that in the short-run, there was no best-way out of it. Yes, I was alone. Without friends. And family.

But there was hope, at least. The hope that keeps a dreamer alive. Keeps them dreaming. Both in the day and at night. There was hope, that some day I will have family with me. And I will have my friends.

And I will be happy.

And on that day, my heart and my mind will synchronise - in perfect harmony.


  1. Your very eloquent with your writing!

  2. '...in the short-run, there was no best-way out of it.' Couldn't agree more, as a general rule =D
    And well, happiness may or may not be the result of a dream getting fulfilled, but sometimes happiness can just be felt after having lived through sadness with a raised chin.

  3. That is true, dude, but then that won't be absolute happiness; it'd be satisfice-ment.

  4. I love the way you presented the internal conflict.

    Good luck with everything.

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  6. Lol...umm...it would be satisficement relatively...for all you know, your wish might not get fulfilled at all, in which case satisficement would be the next best thing, if not the best :)

  7. yes agreed u have come by your own to this world n will go by your own no one is going to share your part
    nyc post :)

  8. You have a thing with self-conflict writings. Still remember that thing you wrote for the PISES newsletter. The good and evil consciousness conversing or something =p.

  9. Thank you Anum. =)

    And I am surprised you still remember that, Khao. =P