Lost In Translation

Social interactions have refused to make sense to me. I have been with a lot of different people at a lot of different times, and yet I am no way close to deciphering how a basic human mind functions, minus all the games and tricks it occasionally conjures.

I have let almost everybody down, at some point in time, both deliberately and unintentionally.

I have broken trust.

I have let slip secrets.

I have cared a lot – and then not cared, at all.

And I have apologised, over and over.

Yet, I still do not know when and how to keep my mouth shut. Or what to say, even. So much that, every apology of mine sounds rehearsed. Superficial. Coming from anywhere but me.

Every morning, I wake up hoping to begin today with a good degree of positivity. And almost every night, I silently sob away into slumber because I failed, promising myself that I will change things tomorrow.

But it just doesn't happen.

I have a big mouth, which opens wide a tad too much for everybody’s liking. It works fine on days that are sunny, but comes back to bite me when the sun ain’t shining. And quite frankly, the sun does not always shine, sugar; I, of all people, should have learnt that by now.

Those days, I realise, I am not fit for human interaction. That I should rather cower under a shell and spend the rest of my life typing away on this blog, pretending to be something I clearly am not. Ensuring that way nobody I care about is disappointed with me…

I wanted everything, and I cannot even maintain a f*cking relationship.

I have failed. Failed as a (boy)friend. Failed as a brother. And will soon fail as a son, too, I am sure.

I have failed, and there is nothing I can do about it.

I have failed, and all I can say now is…

I am sorry.


  1. hmm what a coincidence..these days my mood is exactly like yours..minus the relationship eh eh eh..well I'm not fit to advise you..I'll just say that my take on it is this: No single individual should hold himself or herself solely responsible for maintaining any relationship...A friend might want you to be how he/she thinks a 'friend' should be, and you might want them to be how you think a 'friend' should be..and one is bound to get highly subjective when it comes to justifying such demands...IMO, all participants of a relationship should try to fulfil each other's demands, but at the same time believe that nothing is wrong in failing to do so...the amount of love in a relationship cannot be measured just by using a check list that says 'How many demands of mine has he/she fulfilled'...this must also be applied to relationships between siblings, and even between parents and children I dare say
    Best wishes

  2. Btw, this made me even sadder. Screw you! :\

  3. I think I should have pluralised the word relationship. =P

    I am so sorry if it made you feel crap. Ya see, I have even let YOU down. Haha. Jokes aside, thanks for the advice. *Sigh*

  4. Your faliure is everyone's failure and your success is everyone's success so keep a positive attitude man

  5. Aww it's ok dude...I was saying aiween lol...plus it's not your fault when I'm the one who chose to read through the whole post :P