As an Asian, once you graduate, being subject to marriage proposals seriously isn't much to fuss over. Rather, it is quite an entertaining state of affair. Yes, to be honest, the first time someone talks to you about it, you do get a bit of a surprise, but, you soon get over it...or at least I did, and begin to enjoy the situation for what it is.
You soon start thinking about that chosen one who you vow to be committed to for the rest of your life. Or, at least I did. That face. That name. That feeling.
But, in the past few months, that feeling has been taken over by one of apprehension. No, I am not getting any pre-marital jitters, just to clear it out of your head; and probably, I might even like the girl.
What I am actually worried about is, will I like her as much as I used to like her?
Will I let go of my past, let go of her and let go of the fact that she could not be mine? Or will I find myself making comparisons at every stage of life?
In short, will I forget her when I get married?
These past few months, I begin to think, I have just started knowing her. There was so much left to ask her. So much to tell her. But the time for that, has ceased. Over and done with, it is.
Then, why can't I get her out of my head? Why does every aspect of her's make me desire her more?
I am torn between the feeling of getting to know her, and not getting to know her anymore than I already do. But, whatever I do, I find her around me. Undodgeable, unignorable. Her face staring out from the crowd, standing away in her own pearly light, making my mind play that song over and over. Telling me..."She is the one! She was the one! Can she still be the one?"
I always thought I'd get over it.
But, honestly, I can't. These last few days, especially, have found me seeing her in a completely different light.
Then I say to myself...it is still an infatuation.
But, is it?
I look around me. I look at the proposals I was sent. And then I ask myself...Was I not judging them against her? Was I not hoping them to be better than her? Does that mean I am still into her?
Even when I know it is over. Before it even started.
Will I ever get over this? Will I ever move on?
You soon start thinking about that chosen one who you vow to be committed to for the rest of your life. Or, at least I did. That face. That name. That feeling.
But, in the past few months, that feeling has been taken over by one of apprehension. No, I am not getting any pre-marital jitters, just to clear it out of your head; and probably, I might even like the girl.
What I am actually worried about is, will I like her as much as I used to like her?
Will I let go of my past, let go of her and let go of the fact that she could not be mine? Or will I find myself making comparisons at every stage of life?
In short, will I forget her when I get married?
These past few months, I begin to think, I have just started knowing her. There was so much left to ask her. So much to tell her. But the time for that, has ceased. Over and done with, it is.
Then, why can't I get her out of my head? Why does every aspect of her's make me desire her more?
I am torn between the feeling of getting to know her, and not getting to know her anymore than I already do. But, whatever I do, I find her around me. Undodgeable, unignorable. Her face staring out from the crowd, standing away in her own pearly light, making my mind play that song over and over. Telling me..."She is the one! She was the one! Can she still be the one?"
I always thought I'd get over it.
But, honestly, I can't. These last few days, especially, have found me seeing her in a completely different light.
Then I say to myself...it is still an infatuation.
But, is it?
I look around me. I look at the proposals I was sent. And then I ask myself...Was I not judging them against her? Was I not hoping them to be better than her? Does that mean I am still into her?
Even when I know it is over. Before it even started.
Will I ever get over this? Will I ever move on?
Spoken like a true romantic. =D
ReplyDeleteAnd I'd thought you'd never fallen in love. As a matter of fact, this must be the first time you have as much as HINTED that slight possibility.
Spoken like a true man.
ReplyDeleteDon't question. Don't ponder over you ever getting over her or not. It will all happen itself when it has to.
And once you accept one out of the million proposals, tell her about the first her. And if she can accept that, you couldn't deserve anyone better.
And after that, I expect an invitation coming my way soon.
i wish i had advice or whatever but im just as fucked as you when it comes to romance.
ReplyDeletethere's a little miss stuck in my head all the live long day, and no matter how hard i try to hate her or forget her by pursuing some new skirt, she's just there. imbedded for all eternity. oh, to be us hopeless romantics :P
Oolala... never saw this coming.
ReplyDeleteI second DeeDee! She speaks wisdom. ;)